


a collection of memories

by anstaar



Series: when the door opens [6]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Childhood, Gen, Siblings, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-02
Updated: 2011-07-02
Packaged: 2017-10-20 23:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/218223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anstaar/pseuds/anstaar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>four memories Vera doesn't have of her childhood and one she does</p>
            </blockquote>





	a collection of memories

**Birth**  
  
Vera was born in winter. 'Middle of a winter storm,' Tolya always starts (started) the story (even after Aral looks it up and it turns out it was actually quite a warm day, for winter), with a gentle tug on her braid. From there the story always changed. When she was five, the tale was that the power had shorted out and Tolya had had to make a desperate run through the snow to the village to find a doctor. At six, he claimed that, despite being stricken with pneumonia, he had built a fire in the dining hall, using the wood from the older chairs, and stood at the door with a lighted torch to guide Aral home from where he had been sent out to gather sticks to keep the fire going. She spent the night she turned seven sitting on the floor of the medic's tent. Aral was awake (he hadn't taken the sleeping drugs when they had had enough and by that point even the half-burned man was left to deal with what consciousness he had left by himself), if dazed, and he held her hand tightly, even though he eyes were half closed. Vera knew then, whatever the day of her birth had been like, her father hadn't been there.    
  
 **Fever**  
  
When Vera was three she had gotten sick. 'Very sick,' Aral had said, once. Tolya had said nothing and her mother only wrapped her in a tight hug and said, 'you're better now." Vera got sick a lot. Tolya was rarely ill, though he suffered awfully when he did get sick. Aral had seasonal allergies that left him curled up and wretched on his bed. Vera watched her siblings and her mother's fears and wondered if she was seeing a reflection of the illness that left her still coughing years later and her mother always reaching for her forehead to check for sudden fevers. Vera pulled away until she had no hand to pull away from and Aral's face showed much more pain than he had ever received from his allergies.  
  
 **Horse**  
  
Vera was terrified of horses. Mother said, once, that it must be some sort of maternal gene because, in truth, all three of them are afraid of the beasts. Father loved them. He had given Vera a book on horses. It wasn't a birthday and Count Vorkosigan wasn't the sort of man who just gave random gifts so she treasured it, even if just looking at the pictures could make her feel sick with fear. She might have treasured it a bit _too_ much, as it turned out, because one day her father took her to a stable with him. It was owned by a friend of her father's, a man she didn't recognize, who stared up a heated debate about the best Earth breeds. Vera wandered away from them and toward the smell of the stables. She climbed on top of the fence and sat on the green field, staring up at the sky. When she woke up she was in a hospital room, the sound of her mother's low and angry voice telling her she was listening to one of her parent's rare arguments. She never remembered the fall or being trampled by the wild horse. Later, when she's wrapped in a blanket with only the buzzing in her ears to distract her from what happened she realized she had lost her fear. There was a limit to what a horse could do to her.  
  
 **Gran**  
  
Vera was six the first time she went to a funeral. She had a new dress, which was a bit too big, and shiny shoes, which pinched her toes, and absolutely no idea what was going on. After, Tolya was being grownup and standing with their mother and Aral had run away with their cousins so she just wandered away through the stones, wondering what had happened. She didn't know what to do when she ran into the old man (her grandfather, prince Xav, a stranger) standing in front of a grave. "Do you remember her?" He'd asked, not looking at her. "She visited you, three years ago, now." Vera didn't remember. Vera remembered the picture of the woman in her mother's room and she saw the new picture that hung above the lit offerings but she knew nothing else. After the war, at the dedication, Vera landed against her grandfather, who looked so much older than he should. This time neither of them had anything to say.   
  
 **Mother**  
  
They were eating breakfast. Aral was dreaming, only half-awake and lost in thought. Vera was telling a story (a friend of hers had broken an arm doing an elaborate backwards twist, she would always remember) and her mother had been listening with a small smile. The door shattered open. The soldiers moved and Vera sees the smash of her mother against the wall. Aral leaped forward (in front of her) and is knocked down. The guns were aimed and Vera clutched at her brother's sleeve. She would always remember the feel of his shirt under her and hands and the tight terror that blocked her throat, like a cough that wouldn't come out. Father came then and they were saved but never forget.


End file.
